Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
