Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
