I wanna passion pit in your ass
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
