While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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