Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
