there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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