why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
