the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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