When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
