Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
