Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
