You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
