I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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