I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
