Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
ugly people sure do ruin things
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
