he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
