In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
