I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
