lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
where are you?
Hypothermia
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This is classic penis vs brain.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
