Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
