This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
