it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
