My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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