Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
