True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
