It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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