I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
