If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
