She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
