you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
