i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
