i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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