she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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