dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
