Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
