You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
false alarm, still single
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