people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
