I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
