sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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