Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
