did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
