I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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