So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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