i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Bring me that man meat
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
