We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
