she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
