I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I got inside last night via doggy door
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
