you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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