Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
