If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
