We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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