i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
