Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I could fuck to npr.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
