So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
