i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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