You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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